Hey hey —

Reader,

It seems that yesterday’s email was quite popular.

So, I thought I’d continue in that thread.

And, make it a little closer to home… with observations from men I work with.

Let’s call it “Believable Lies, Part 2”

Reminder in case you didn’t see yesterday’s email.

Believable lies are lies that get in because half of them are true.

A total lie bounces off. You reject it, it never had a chance.

But a lie with a nugget of truth in it? That one sits down at your table and stays for years.

Here are two more.

And I’d bet money you’ve said at least one of them out loud…or had the thought of one.

One.

The lie:She’s impossible. She won’t listen.

You’d never fully sign off on that. Too absolute. You know it isn’t true.

The believable lie:She’s difficult to talk to. Especially about that. Whatever your “that” is…and you may have a list of them.

That one gets in, and stays — because it’s partly true.

That conversation IS hard. She may get defensive when it comes up. She might close down when it’s brought up. Etc.

So it stays. And, you may hold onto it for years… or longer.

However, the truth: You’ve never put in the time to figure out how. You might now know how to connect… or how to have difficult conversations. You might be the one who gets frustrated because you don’t know how to have the conversation.

Think about that for a second. You’ve spent years building competence professionally. You’d never look at a difficult client and say “he’s hard to talk to” and just… stop. You’d learn how. You’d figure out the approach. You’d put in the reps because the outcome mattered.

Years of that at work. Almost zero hours on the one conversation that matters most.

She’s not the problem. The problem is you’ve never treated this like something you could get good at.

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A second one:

The lie: Nothing works.

You’d reject that one too. You’re not a quitter. Never have been.

The believable lie: It’s still a mess. Same ole same ole.

Said like an observation. Like weather. Like something happening TO you.

The truth: You keep doing the same thing and waiting for it to change on its own. Expecting better results while still doing same old habits/approaches.

Maybe even trying harder but not trying differently. Same approach, same result, same report six months later — “it’s still a mess.”

It’s still a mess because nothing’s changed.

And nothing’s changed because you haven’t.

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Here’s what I want you to notice about both of these.

They put the problem somewhere you can’t reach it. She’s difficult. It’s a mess. In both cases, you’ve been quietly removed from the story.

That’s what a believable lie does. It’s true enough to be undebatable, and it lets you off the hook without you ever noticing you got off.

So the question for today: What are you calling a condition that’s actually a choice?

You already know. Most men do.

The hard part isn’t knowing. It’s saying it out loud and facing it.

That’s what Man Alive is — a room where these things get said, and where you find out you’re not the only one carrying them.

Seven days free. No pitch, no pressure.

​[Try Man Alive free for 7 days →]​

You don’t have to do this alone.

— Bob

Private. Confidential. This is between us.