Hey hey —

Reader,

Let’s talk about what I call/coach “Believable Lies”.

In other words - lies you tell yourself and how they remain part of your life.

The short version is this: for you to accept any lie — there has to be some truth to it. Period.

Because if it was a total lie - blatant - obvious - you’d reject it. Right?

Of course you would. Stick with me, I’ll give examples.

BUT - again there has to be some truth to it to be embraced.

Outside, looking in, I can see one a mile away when working with a man.

However, I found out and personally experienced that it’s ALMOST impossible to see it for what it is without someone pointing it out.

Here’s how a lie actually gets into a man.

If somebody told you that you didn’t care about your family, you’d reject that on the spot. No hesitation. And, you’d offer evidence to refute it. That lie never had a chance.

However, “I’m doing this for them” — that one gets in. Because it has some truth to it. The money really is for them. (Well, part of it… but we will get to that.)

And riding in right behind it comes the part that isn’t true: Therefore my absence is fine. Therefore missing it (dinner. Games. Being present at home…) is just the cost of doing what I’m doing — FOR THEM.

Do you see it?

“Money for them. Accolades for me.”

You didn’t accept a lie. You accepted a truth with something attached to it. That’s what I call a believable lie — it gets in because half of it’s real.

Here are two more Real examples of mine. (And many men I work with.)

The lie — “I can’t trust anyone.” I’d have argued with that. Too big, too absolute.

BUT — the believable lie I bought into was — “I don’t have anyone to trust” — that one I told myself for years. It sounded like a fact. Just how it was. Nothing to argue with.

The truth was — I’d never really tried. It was never about them.

I had nobody I could trust — simply because I never ventured out to find that person OR to build that kind of relationship.

RESULT? I was on my own… and that led to massive problems eventually. ANd, even then I would validate “nobody I trusted”.

Stupid.

A 2nd one of mine:

The Lie — “My marriage is fine.” I didn’t buy that one.

BUT

I told myself something better (the believable lie) : “I don’t know what normal even looks like. Men don’t talk about this stuff.“

And that part is true — we don’t. We’d rather lie “I’m fine… we’re fine… etc” than deal with truth.

The truth About my marriage? I knew. Underneath all the not-knowing, I knew. Something was off… something needed to change… ONLY I didn’t know how — so I keep pushing the believable lie.

AND again — the fallout was horrendous.

Here’s what I want you to notice about both of those.

They take something that’s a choice and turn it into a condition.

Every believable lie is built on top of something you already know.

So here’s my question for you today: what are you telling yourself that has just enough truth in it that you’ve never once questioned it? Or, you accept it and keep fighting it…knowing somewhere deep within — it’s gonna cost you dearly.

You probably already know the answer. Most men do. That’s not the hard part.

The hard part is that these things don’t get said out loud to another man. They need a brave and safe space. Somewhere and with someone you can get honest with and find truth that sets you free. (Even reading that — pay attention to your thoughts — you may have just told yourself another one of your believable lies!)

This is why Man Alive exists — a room where men say the things they’ve been carrying alone, and find out they’re not the only one carrying them…and more importantly overcome them and become the man, husband, father and businessman you’re created to be.

Seven days free Trial.

No pitch, no pressure. Come see what it’s like to stop doing this by yourself.

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You don’t have to do this alone.

Bob